Why I shop online


November 5, 2012 by admin

You know that morning when you put on makeup but for some reason it didn’t quite go how you wanted it to and you didn’t have time to fix it so you went with it anyways and you paired that disaster with some ugly sweatpants that you should have thrown out years ago but today it was just them or the jeans that had some unidentifiable child fluid on it and then you topped the whole mess off with heels just to look like you at least put some effort to the ensemble.  You know you’re going to see everyone you know and you just have to grin and bear the whole humiliating process because, hey, you did it to yourself.

The other day was like that except it was that I’d tried to put too many errands together with my guys in tow and I was willing (pleading with) fate to just let it just work out this one time.  But alas, fate doesn’t work that way, and we all know that and maybe it’s bullheaded to go and do it anyways, but that’s what I did. I had one last stop at a big-box store after multiple activities that had gone rather well, but the guys started playing in-store garbage truck again and I started to get frazzled.  But we were on a mission: we needed to buy a little friend a present and I wanted to make sure I bought it at a place with a gift-reciept just in case they needed to take it back.  So, I finally got the guys to pick it, herded them back to their ‘truck’ and reminded them that today’s store visit was all about their friend not them.  We were NOT buying any toys for them today.

Quel disappointment.  The guys were not happy about this decision.  And maybe I could have caved and bought them one little matchbox car to appease their MUST BUY SOMETHING NOW needs, but for some reason, I was determined not to be THAT parent today.  And frankly, I was just a little tired and wanted to go home.

So at the checkout, my guys sensed my weakness and decided to try and escape their garbage truck.  And the cashier took one look at me and decided I needed to be schooled in parenting (see what karma does when you try to do something good?).  After lecturing my kids and I about the truck, she stopped ringing in my purchases and started rummaging around.  Then she called her neighboring register.
“Do you have any S-T-I-C-K-E-R-S?”  Nothing is being rung up at the this point and my wild children are still wiggling around like gremlins.

It’s okay, I tell her.  We just need to get out of here.  They haven’t been behaving anyways, and I will talk to them about it.  I’m sorry.

And then I got the glare.  M-O-M says N-O she spell/shouts.  And then another lecture.  Can I talk to your kids again?  She asks.  Go ahead.  Please just make this stop.  And then she went on to tell them they could crack their heads and bleed if they climbed a certain way in the truck.  She reminded me they could crack their heads and bleed and that she’d seen kids do it.  (Apparently I was not wearing my usual “I’m a hypochondriac/paranoid parent please bubble-wrap my children” button today.)  And then she finally rang up my purchases and told me to take my guys to a park because that’s what her daughter likes to do.  Oh, and I should have taken the stickers, because that would have distracted them and they would have behaved.

Maybe she was right.  Maybe the whole thing didn’t have to go down that way.  But I’d screwed up and my goodness, I would have loved someone at the minute, especially another mother to just say, “Lady, we’ve all had these days.  I’ll get you out of the store pronto.”

Seriously online shopping is so easy I can spend thousands on my phone even while I’m running (a little dangerous but it does add a little adventure to a morning run) and the majority of my shopping disasters happen at the cash register where I just feel like throwing up my hands, passing over my wallet, and disappearing from the humiliation of having my parenting dissected by another human being who does not at the moment have two children hanging off their legs.

Anyone else out there getting unsolicited parenting advice while shopping lately?  I totally thought this would end after the baby stage.

(PS. This event made me really think about my real-life shopping experiences and whether or not I truly prefer shopping online, versus shopping in stores.  I think it sharpened my shopping drama ears: today at Uvillage I witnessed a huge shouting match over a parking spot.  Now that would never happen on a computer.  I can’t wait to do more research and keep you posted!)


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