January 25, 2014 by Terumi
A couple months ago, I got some really traumatic news that my high school’s time capsule was being dug up about 20 years prematurely because they are in the process of re-building the school. In the time capsule a couple hundred students in my class (including me!) had written letters to ourselves in the future and I remember that future seeming a LONG way away back then. I don’t remember what I wrote in my letter but I do remember what I was like at 17. My 17-year-old self would not be pleased with me being a stay at home mom. My 17-year old self would have cared about leaning in and maybe even this post-nup thing I read about thanks to Verity Credit Union’s Twitter feed. And my 17-year-old self would definitely wonder what happened to me, that I’m permanently at home with my kids, when sometimes they’re not even home because they’re at school.
Thankfully that horrid thing is getting buried again. I know my 50-year-old self will be a lot more wise and capable of dealing with me as a teenager than me right now.
It’s funny how sometimes life chooses its way for you. And I know with my guys going to kindergarten next year, I’m definitely going to have to make some decisions about what my next chapter will be whether I’m ready for it or not. I’ve also been reflecting quite a bit on what we’ve accomplished over the years I’ve been at home. There are many things I’m truly thankful for but there are sometimes when I wonder if I have made any difference, and maybe if all of this has been for nothing. (This usually happens when there is some kind of bloody accident and all of us are in the midst of a tantrum and we are at Target.)
Sometimes I miss my old work. My coworkers. My students. MY life.
And then I get days like today, where we stay in our pajamas a little too long.
We make cards.
And I see where they learn a little from me; when we do art together, it’s funny that they copy what I do, and then I change things in my own projects based on input from them. It’s neat how collaborative we are when we are together.
And because it was a calm morning, I had a little time to make some after school treats and had a little time to myself while they were at school. I even took a class (I love the classes Alt Summit puts on!) and went for a run.
And sometime in the course of the day, one of the guys said something that gave me a glimmer of hope that my life at home has meant something.
“Mom-I love your job.”
My job? What’s my job???
“Staying home with us.”
Cue waterworks on my end.
So today is a good day and today it’s like I got the biggest job-we’ll-done award I could receive in my current place of employment. And today, that’s good enough for me.
I hope you have a lovely weekend too!
(PS.. Did I mention it was sunny in Seattle today too?!!!!!)
(PPS. Dear 17-year-old self, being a stay-at-home mom is definitely NOT as easy as you probably thought it would be. See you in 20 years!)